At the chod retreat with Charlie Awbery I went to, I discovered that sadness/grief are the most inaccessible emotions to me. There should be a lot for me to grieve, but I don't know how to even get started with this practice.
I'm far from an expert, but I wonder from an IFS perspective whether there's a part that's blocking you from feeling it and whether that part can be accessed and understood / loved. Alternatively, whether it's possible to attune to / feel into the numbness itself and find where in the body it's located as a way into feeling it. Also I wonder whether there is a lack of embodied safety for the grief to express itself and what circumstances it might require for you to feel that sense of safety.
Aaah. That makes a ton of sense to me. In some real sense part of you might be like "Much loss has occurred and yet here we stand, functioning well enough. Please don't mess with a good thing, you fool! We are lucky to be here". I wonder if a way into the grief is to actually super all the way lean into celebrating the happiness and aliveness that are here despite the grief-causing events. How miraculous that your system is equipped with such resilience! This is not super different than Paul's first comment, except my gut is to lean even harder into not just being with but actively seeing if you can feel into a celebration and gratitude, a full warm welcoming of the non-grief!
Another idea would be to specifically experiment with anger. Even 90 seconds of hitting a pillow or twisting a towel, even if done initially as a performance, can be useful. Anger is the road into grief for many folks.
At the chod retreat with Charlie Awbery I went to, I discovered that sadness/grief are the most inaccessible emotions to me. There should be a lot for me to grieve, but I don't know how to even get started with this practice.
I'm far from an expert, but I wonder from an IFS perspective whether there's a part that's blocking you from feeling it and whether that part can be accessed and understood / loved. Alternatively, whether it's possible to attune to / feel into the numbness itself and find where in the body it's located as a way into feeling it. Also I wonder whether there is a lack of embodied safety for the grief to express itself and what circumstances it might require for you to feel that sense of safety.
It's something like I feel happy and full of energy for the most part, so it's difficult to go away from that into its complete opposite.
Aaah. That makes a ton of sense to me. In some real sense part of you might be like "Much loss has occurred and yet here we stand, functioning well enough. Please don't mess with a good thing, you fool! We are lucky to be here". I wonder if a way into the grief is to actually super all the way lean into celebrating the happiness and aliveness that are here despite the grief-causing events. How miraculous that your system is equipped with such resilience! This is not super different than Paul's first comment, except my gut is to lean even harder into not just being with but actively seeing if you can feel into a celebration and gratitude, a full warm welcoming of the non-grief!
Another idea would be to specifically experiment with anger. Even 90 seconds of hitting a pillow or twisting a towel, even if done initially as a performance, can be useful. Anger is the road into grief for many folks.